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Monday, April 30, 2012

The Lighthouse

The Lighthouse
by me, Karen Williams.

For my "little fleur" – may you be at peace. 

I was playing on the shore of the sea when I grew dry and weary from the ways of this world.  My heart was parched and brittle like dried up November leaves,
choked off from all sustenance. 
I was surrounded by water yet I was dying of thirst.
Cut off from life, there was little left of me to give.
I decided to leave it behind and embark anew.
I would take a risk and leave the sandy shore.
A dingy waited nearby.

Bright yellow, bobbing on the surface of the blue shallows…
Who put this here?
I noticed other dingys with their passengers.  Happy, contented, fellow-sailors on little pink clouds.
Throwing footballs and frisbies
Splashing and oaring. 
Falling out into the warm salty water
Sun glinting across the crystal blue water
Casting spider webs of light against the sand below.
Waist-deep water, warm soft, snuggy sand insulating my healing feet
Falling back in to the safety of the dingy
Falling asleep

I let go and allow the freedom of sleep to overtake me.
I am at peace.

First light brings red dawn.
Violent, bloody clouds fill the once blue sky
My fellow sailor-friends are all gone
I am pushed and billowed out to sea
The shoreline is far, far away
People still on the sand look tiny, like little ants, as they run for shelter.
I scream for help but no one can hear me.

My dingy is plunged and buffeted by the angry wind
I am powerless over the waves that engulf my small craft
Pushing out further into the deep
I am soaked to the bone and freezing now.
Rushing deep waters appear bottomless to me
Fear blackens my gaze. 
I am going to die, alone.
My dingy can no longer hold my water-logged body
It is losing air. I grab an oar and float.
My once safe, playful, yellow bobbing raft slips below the waves into the murky depths
My hope disappears with it.

I am alone and confused. 
Parched again, my lips crusted with salt.
I came this far in my new life….to perish in the sea that rescued me?
I was surrounded by water but I was dying of thirst.
I am going to die, alone.
I am surrendered to this thought as the hours pass.

I let go and allow the freedom of sleep to overtake me
My strength is gone.

A bell sound lifts me from my surrendered slumber
I sense a light in the sky.
It turns slowly clockwise.
Coming around to me now, the light is very bright
And almost warm.  It smiles.
A lighthouse.
How can this be?
I am supposed to be dead….
My heart quickens.

Unknown strength arrives in a jolt
It sends electricity to my once-paralyzed extremities.
I paddle-kick with all my might as I grasp my oar in my cramped hands.
It is all I have in the world, my oar.
Get there. Get there. Please God. Help me get there.
I arrive at the base of the lighthouse.
My lungs are about to explode.
I can hear people. They are in the light house.
Warm, cozy people are inside talking and laughing.
My voice does not work.
I cannot produce a sound.
My mind races.  Then plummets.
I must hoist myself, but how?
I will need to surrender the only thing I have. 
It is all I have in the world, my oar.

I let go….again.
I am alone in the frigid water. 
I REACH with my two arms.
For what? I do not know.  I can barely see – the light is facing the other way.
I begin to sink. Water starts to pull me down, entering my nostrils, my mouth.

Hoist-pulling on my arms.
Emerging from the black waters that wanted to kill me
Legs-standing for just a moment.
I lay on the cold stone pavement
I see Him, whose hands are holding onto mine.
The one who saved me.
The only one who could, really.

He calls me by my name.
How does He know my name?
He lifts me into his arms.
I see His hands and His feet.
They are wounded like mine.
We both have wounds.
I seem to recognize Him but then again…
He is familiar yet someone I’ve never known.
He knows me.
How does He know my name?
My questions dissolve into the joy of the moments.
I am safe. Saved. Being saved.
Saved for?

For what, I do not know.
He says that He was with me the whole time.
In all of the letting-goes.
He told me that he fashioned for me a little dingy and set it upon the waters that one day.
He watched me as I enjoyed my first period at sea.
He watched with me as my little dingy sank
He protected me as I slept in the dark water and cried
He cried with me
He guarded me from the sharks and rays.
He made sure my oar would stay with me, even as I slept.
He allowed the waters to guide me to the light
He has prepared a table before me.
He has reunited me with my fellow-sailor friends.
(They made it too!)
He has made everything new in its time.
I will never have to fear the water.
He said that I learned how to REACH by following his prompts.
He had to reach out His arms too.
He was with me the whole time.
And I didn’t even know He was there.

I am not sure if I am being fitted for scuba gear, a large yacht or a pair of wings. 
But I am assured that I will never need to fear the water again.
He told me so.

And He told me many other things that are too wondrous for words.

So I sit here in my lighthouse
With all of my sailor friends--like little dazzling sparks of divinity
Reviewing the dingy days.
My shorebird ways.
I am eager to soar
But will be patient for my wings.
Knowing I can handle but one day, one moment at a time, on the beautiful blue sea.

I am at peace. 

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