And I found it yesterday on my Iphone. Joy! A happy Lenten consolation considering the oodles of chocolate I have surrendered. This priceless gem of Lewis' below reminds me to once again consider abandoning myself--every last ounce & freckle of myself--in order to find myself. And when I do that, I find God.
"Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sounds strange? The same principle holds, you know, for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs though all life from top to bottom: Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end. Submit with every fibre of your being and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead (emphasis mine). Look for yourself and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in." (C.S. Lewis)
I had a bit of a taste of this musically, tonight at our Schola rehearsal. We usually rehearse our schola cantorum 'in the round' so that we can hear ourselves better. Circled around the piano, we arrange ourselves by parts...sopranos, altos, tenors and basses. Tonight, however, Adam suggested that we try what Stile Antico does when they sing: Mix all of us up so that we are not singing next to our respective part: Tenor next to soprano next to alto next to bass...you get the picture. The start was tenuous for me as I was self conscious; SELF conscious. Did I know my part well enough? Would I get lost? Will I stick out like a sore thumb? I, I, I, me, me, me. But after we sang a few measures, something beautiful and unique happened...we sang together, differently. It was a most beautiful, polyphonic mixing of our voices. We sang with each other. The individual parts seemed to recede into relief while the music (the Beauty) was allowed to soar. Yet each voice was still clearly heard....we lost ourselves to find the music. We became, in essence, OTHER conscious. What a glorious God moment.
Someday I will figure out how to post these recorded gems up on the blog for your listening pleasures. Until then, you'll just have to take my word for it!