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Thursday, December 18, 2008

I never promised you a rose garden

I have survived the first 5 hours of being the most evil mom in the universe. Today I had to deliver the terrible news to my 6th grader that we were withdrawing him from his elementary school to put him in a much better charter prep school. C'mon, doesn't he know that he will receive a superior educational experience more suited to his basic academic needs while also keeping the dreams and pursuits of the socratic method of discovery firmly and foundationally in place? Answer-no. After he sobbed away to his room and before he stabbed a pencil thru the arm of the chair (he is quite like his mother), the bolt of reality hit me that the decisions that we make as parents have a delayed beneficial component. And isn't that just like the rest of life. I want peace, security, serenity NOW. I don't want to be retrofitted with that later. I want immediate feedback, no pregnant pauses, no uncertainty. I am very much like a spoiled 2 year old when it comes to matters such as these because smetimes I am very much a toddler, spiritually. Lord have mercy.

I am reminded of Saint Joseph. What amazing courage he possessed. Some may have considered him certifiably mad for believing the promise of an angel in a dream. I think he had an undeniably mature spiritual life. He trusted God and was willing to be patient and make decisions despite what made no sense to him. He had no guarantee of any future, yet he trusted. This, coming from a man, who would have been the only one in his family soiled by sin. If there were mistakes made in that home, (someone didn't put the lid back on the grain container, pounding a thumb in stead of a nail followed by an expletive), surely the finger would always point to him! I imagine his humility grew exponentially. St. Joseph is also credited with being the patron of departing souls. I find this particularly comforting knowing that God charged him with being the guardian of both the Blessed Mother and the Savior of the Universe. Talk about a tall order!

Thanks St. Joseph, for the model of parenthood you provide. Help me continue to learn to trust the Father's ability to see around the tight corners in life and calm my flagging spirit. And if you could just take care of that nagging insecurity issue, that would be great too!

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